Oh just dandy

I feel really bad for not blogging normally as I used to. So I'm going to dedicate that this blog to total randomness because I can't seem to think of anything specific to write. So if nothing makes sense and isn't in chronological order, then good, hahahah.

So to start off, I feel as if I've been to hard on myself. I've been so hard that I haven't been giving myself any air to breathe whatsoever. I feel as if I am condemned to be a failure and I can't even give myself a chance to get back up and try again. So, I'm looking at everything in a whole new perspective from now on. Even, if I don't do so well, I'll feel good to know that I, at least, attempted the event. And plus, if I don't have a good time in something, then it's going to show.

Second, I don't know who I can depend on to talk to anymore. I mean, sure there are people who are my best friends or they 'claim to be' when I barely see them during the day. I'm not asking for someone that I can hang out with everyday or talk to on the phone all time. I just want a person who is willing to listen. I'm trying my best to open up, when I start to, people just start to drift away.

My future isn't really clear at this point and it makes me scared to think about it. I KNOW, for a fact, that I'm going to be attending a 4 year college/university and graduate to make my parents proud. It's all about good grades, goood grades, and good grades. Instead of giving myself a head start on getting gray hairs, I'm just going to have as much fun as I can. I don't want to grow up to fast. Heck! I don't want to grow up at all.

Another thing, my parents. I love the fact that they want me to be successful in life, and I regret talking badly about them in the past, but sometimes, it's just too overwhelming that I just want to shut myself out from the entire world. Call me a drama queen, but hey, what can I say? I'm a normal teenager, who's trying to find her goal in life. It makes me upset when they don't even acknowledge the fact that I have friends of more than one race. If I tell them that most of my Asian friends are going to be at that certain event, then they'd let me go. However, would have me stay home instead of hanging out with my American friends. We live in a Biracial world!! Sigh, either way, I love my parents. I think I contradicted myself, but whatever. Correct me if you want.

Life in general doesn't seem to be all fun and jokes anymore. Kids are doing whatever they can to help out their family, mentally and financially. It makes me feel deprived of not having an opportunity like the others. I have a limited amount of options to choose from while others have different places to go. I sometimes wonder why I'm here. Is it because I'm just an extra human to be of existence on this earth? Or is it because my parents want to live to see the day of having grandchildren? Eh, I don't know. All I can say right now is that I am confused.

Well, bingo bango, there you have it. My hand is starting to cramp. Off to finish English and Math homework :)